I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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