i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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