i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
