Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
