omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
