sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
