I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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