I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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