i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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