I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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