Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
