Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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