Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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