I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
