i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
