I will die if light touches me.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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