meet me or not, i'm out of control
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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