my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i will never coherently bang her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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