I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
