Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sext me about skeletons
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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