can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
