my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
