I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
