He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
