Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
