problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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