I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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