Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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