Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
