It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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