ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
