I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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