Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
