I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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