I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
