Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
