I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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