so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
