how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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