I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
