I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
