I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
