I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
