Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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