Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
