so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
