so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
