okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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