Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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