Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
