I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
