i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize