call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
